World of Burgercraft <tm>
Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 7:10 amWoB: Welcome to World of Burgercraft. Would you like a PVE value meal, a PVP value meal, or an RP value meal?
Car 1: What is the difference between the PVE and PVP meals?
WoB: The PVP burger has onions. The PVE burger does not. Except sometimes. You can add onions if you want. And we sneak some onions in toward the end of the PVE burger but you don't have to eat them. You can skip that part of the burger.
Car 1: What about the RP burger?
WoB: Vegetarian.
Car 1: What do I get besides a burger?
WoB: Fries and your choice of beverage.
Car 1: I'll have a PVE meal with a diet coke.
WoB: WoB does not support diet coke but recognizes that some of our eaters prefer it. Under our end eater license agreement, you are permitted to consume diet coke as part of you meal but you must download your own diet coke from a third party source. In the future, WoB plans to make available its own low calorie, caffeinated, cola beverage that will be integrated into the WoB eating experience and help bolster WoB's reputation as the premier provider of immersive dining solutions.
Car 1: Huh?
WoB: We got no diet coke.
Car 1: What do you have?
WoB: We have coke.
Car 1: You said I had a choice of beverage.
WoB: You can choose coke or get your own diet coke.
Car 1: Do you have anything else? What about sprite?
WoB: Sprite does not conform with WoB's vision of immersive dining. Your use of sprite would be unfair to other diners as it would deprive them of the same experience you are having. Therefore, the use of sprite in conjunction with this meal is strictly prohibited by the EELA.
Car 1: THAT IS INSANE!
WoB: Shouting angers the filet o' fish.
Car 1: Fine. I'll have coke.
WoB: Please pull up to the service window
Sign: We are aware that some of you are experiecing difficulty accessing our service window. We believe we have identified the problem as a stress failure of a service window retraction rubberband. We are currently testing a new rubberband and hope to have it in place soon. Thank you for your patience.
Car 2: OMG! WoB suxx0rz teh b1g one!111!!
Car 3: Shut up, troll. WoB meals are the best! This isn't their fault.
Car 2: Shut up, fanboi. I'm cancelling my order and going to Der EQ2chnitzel.
Cars 3-99: Then leave. Shorter line for the rest of us.
Car 3: Der EQ2chnitzel meals suck. WoB meals are so much better.
Car 2: Yeah but at least you can actually eat a Der EQ2cnitzel meal. Here you just sit hungry. OMG
Cars 3-99: Are you still here?
WoB: Thank you for your patience. The replacement rubberband did not meet our expectations so we have reverted to the old rubberband which has been patched. Here is your order.
Car 1; Thanks.... uh, you forgot my french fries.
WoB: There are no french fries
Car 1: You said it came with french fries
WoB: No, we said it came with fries.
Car 1: The difference being?
WoB: French fries are made with potatoes. Fries can be made with any starchy tuber and hot oil. At WoB we are constantly developing new and exciting fries. If you refer to the EELA, you will see that potatoes are never mentioned in connection with our fries. After our fries have been thoroughly tested and meet our standards, we will release our fries to you. You're gonna love 'em.
Car 1: So when do I get my fries?
WoB: We are not prepared to commit to a time when your fries will be ready. If we were to do so and fail to deliver as promised, you might be disappointed.
Car 1: Um, I'm pretty disappointed now. Can't you just please ask the fry guys? I promise I won't get mad.
WoB: The fry guys and the fryer array are located off-site. As I said, we are not prepared to commit to a firm fry delivery time window.
Car 1: Fine, I will eat my burger and wait for my fries....
Car 1: You forgot the pickles on my burger
WoB: No, we didn't
Car 1: There are no pickles on my burger. Look for yourself.
WoB: We are aware that some customers are reporting missing condiments during periods of service window rollback cause by the recent rubberband elasticity failure. We are unable to verify the presence or absence of condiments on burgers and cannot provide replacement condiments to our users. Doing so might result in an unscrupulous customer receiving extra pickles and ruining the eating experience for everyone. Thank you for your patience.
Car 1: There is no mustard either.
Car 2: d00d!11! You just started your meal. What makes you think you have EARNED mustard? Mustard is for the 1337 eaters who have every meal here.
Cars 3-99: Are you still here? Why do you care if he gets mustard? How does it affect your meal?
Car 1: OMG. There is a $!$%roach in my burger!
WoB: We are aware that some customers are reporting disagreeable insects in their meals. It is our experience that these insects accompany our diners to WoB in their cars and are in no way the fault of WoB. We recommend that you take the following steps, in order, if you encounter one of these insects. Check for the continued presence of the insect after each step.
1. Roll up all car widows
2. Open and close are doors firmly
3. Wash your car thoroughly inside and out.
4. Turn off your stereo, headlights, and windshield wipers.
5. Change the oil
6. Check the tire tread
7. Rotate the tires
8. Get new tires
9. Get new brakes
10. Get an alignment
11. Replace the starter solinoid
12. Replace the transmission
13. Replace the engine
14. Renew your driver's license
15. Renew your registration
16. Renew your insurance
17. Replace the car
If none of these steps fixes the problem, the insect never existed and you are making it all up to get attention.
Car 1: I did everything you said. I bought a new car. The $!$%roach is still there.
WoB: We are aware of incidents in which customers insert insects into their meals in order to gain an unfair eating advantage. We do not tolerate this behavior and will confiscate any meal found to have customer inserted insects. Further, we will cite the offeding eater for trespassing and ban them from future meals at WoB.
Car 1: I didn't put the $!$%roach in the burger.
WoB: Maybe you did and maybe you didn't. But a smart person would know when to shut his gob, wouldn't he?
Car 1: Can I have my fries now?
WoB: No.
Car 1: What is the difference between the PVE and PVP meals?
WoB: The PVP burger has onions. The PVE burger does not. Except sometimes. You can add onions if you want. And we sneak some onions in toward the end of the PVE burger but you don't have to eat them. You can skip that part of the burger.
Car 1: What about the RP burger?
WoB: Vegetarian.
Car 1: What do I get besides a burger?
WoB: Fries and your choice of beverage.
Car 1: I'll have a PVE meal with a diet coke.
WoB: WoB does not support diet coke but recognizes that some of our eaters prefer it. Under our end eater license agreement, you are permitted to consume diet coke as part of you meal but you must download your own diet coke from a third party source. In the future, WoB plans to make available its own low calorie, caffeinated, cola beverage that will be integrated into the WoB eating experience and help bolster WoB's reputation as the premier provider of immersive dining solutions.
Car 1: Huh?
WoB: We got no diet coke.
Car 1: What do you have?
WoB: We have coke.
Car 1: You said I had a choice of beverage.
WoB: You can choose coke or get your own diet coke.
Car 1: Do you have anything else? What about sprite?
WoB: Sprite does not conform with WoB's vision of immersive dining. Your use of sprite would be unfair to other diners as it would deprive them of the same experience you are having. Therefore, the use of sprite in conjunction with this meal is strictly prohibited by the EELA.
Car 1: THAT IS INSANE!
WoB: Shouting angers the filet o' fish.
Car 1: Fine. I'll have coke.
WoB: Please pull up to the service window
Sign: We are aware that some of you are experiecing difficulty accessing our service window. We believe we have identified the problem as a stress failure of a service window retraction rubberband. We are currently testing a new rubberband and hope to have it in place soon. Thank you for your patience.
Car 2: OMG! WoB suxx0rz teh b1g one!111!!
Car 3: Shut up, troll. WoB meals are the best! This isn't their fault.
Car 2: Shut up, fanboi. I'm cancelling my order and going to Der EQ2chnitzel.
Cars 3-99: Then leave. Shorter line for the rest of us.
Car 3: Der EQ2chnitzel meals suck. WoB meals are so much better.
Car 2: Yeah but at least you can actually eat a Der EQ2cnitzel meal. Here you just sit hungry. OMG
Cars 3-99: Are you still here?
WoB: Thank you for your patience. The replacement rubberband did not meet our expectations so we have reverted to the old rubberband which has been patched. Here is your order.
Car 1; Thanks.... uh, you forgot my french fries.
WoB: There are no french fries
Car 1: You said it came with french fries
WoB: No, we said it came with fries.
Car 1: The difference being?
WoB: French fries are made with potatoes. Fries can be made with any starchy tuber and hot oil. At WoB we are constantly developing new and exciting fries. If you refer to the EELA, you will see that potatoes are never mentioned in connection with our fries. After our fries have been thoroughly tested and meet our standards, we will release our fries to you. You're gonna love 'em.
Car 1: So when do I get my fries?
WoB: We are not prepared to commit to a time when your fries will be ready. If we were to do so and fail to deliver as promised, you might be disappointed.
Car 1: Um, I'm pretty disappointed now. Can't you just please ask the fry guys? I promise I won't get mad.
WoB: The fry guys and the fryer array are located off-site. As I said, we are not prepared to commit to a firm fry delivery time window.
Car 1: Fine, I will eat my burger and wait for my fries....
Car 1: You forgot the pickles on my burger
WoB: No, we didn't
Car 1: There are no pickles on my burger. Look for yourself.
WoB: We are aware that some customers are reporting missing condiments during periods of service window rollback cause by the recent rubberband elasticity failure. We are unable to verify the presence or absence of condiments on burgers and cannot provide replacement condiments to our users. Doing so might result in an unscrupulous customer receiving extra pickles and ruining the eating experience for everyone. Thank you for your patience.
Car 1: There is no mustard either.
Car 2: d00d!11! You just started your meal. What makes you think you have EARNED mustard? Mustard is for the 1337 eaters who have every meal here.
Cars 3-99: Are you still here? Why do you care if he gets mustard? How does it affect your meal?
Car 1: OMG. There is a $!$%roach in my burger!
WoB: We are aware that some customers are reporting disagreeable insects in their meals. It is our experience that these insects accompany our diners to WoB in their cars and are in no way the fault of WoB. We recommend that you take the following steps, in order, if you encounter one of these insects. Check for the continued presence of the insect after each step.
1. Roll up all car widows
2. Open and close are doors firmly
3. Wash your car thoroughly inside and out.
4. Turn off your stereo, headlights, and windshield wipers.
5. Change the oil
6. Check the tire tread
7. Rotate the tires
8. Get new tires
9. Get new brakes
10. Get an alignment
11. Replace the starter solinoid
12. Replace the transmission
13. Replace the engine
14. Renew your driver's license
15. Renew your registration
16. Renew your insurance
17. Replace the car
If none of these steps fixes the problem, the insect never existed and you are making it all up to get attention.
Car 1: I did everything you said. I bought a new car. The $!$%roach is still there.
WoB: We are aware of incidents in which customers insert insects into their meals in order to gain an unfair eating advantage. We do not tolerate this behavior and will confiscate any meal found to have customer inserted insects. Further, we will cite the offeding eater for trespassing and ban them from future meals at WoB.
Car 1: I didn't put the $!$%roach in the burger.
WoB: Maybe you did and maybe you didn't. But a smart person would know when to shut his gob, wouldn't he?
Car 1: Can I have my fries now?
WoB: No.