Why Parents Drink....

[Stimphy]

A Mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Mom' With the worst premonition she opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Mom,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to
elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Mom she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son Jon

P.S.
Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me
when it's safe to come home

[Debillus]

Scotch, Double, No rocks ! ...

[Karmha]

same and keep em coming

[Gninja]

Ha!

[Freddo]

I never did that but whenever I had a bad report card I made sure to highlight some of the issues that my friends were having.

3 Days before report cards - Mom, I found out that Billy is smoking Marijuana

2 Days before report cards - Dad, Tim took his parents car without their permission and totaled it...

1 Day before report cards - I need your advice Mom, Dad, Joey is having a hard time talking to his parents and you are always there for me. He wants to tell his parents he's gay. What should he do?

After that a couple of F's got me a hug and a "try harder" speech and a why don't you bring your girlfriend home for dinner on saturday and if it gets too late she can spend the night in the spare room...